Hello to all new followers! I have so many shops to do but I’ve still been sick so it may be another week. But I’m not dead, lol.
And we’ll have fun fun fun ‘til the warden takes the whipped cream away…
“You brought your phone?” he demanded, horrified. I opened my mouth to reply but nothing came out. “You can’t bring your phone when you’re hiding. What the fuck is wrong with you, Ari?!” I completely blanched. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d heard him this angry. “Give it here. Now,” he continued. I pulled over and rifled through my purse, silent, and handed it to him. He immediately took out the battery without bothering to power it down and then squeezed his eyes shut. I knew that look. He was trying to contain himself. “That way. Pull over in that alley up there,” he instructed. I did as I was told. “Both of these need to be in that dumpster. Go.” Stiff, I took the phone and battery from him and got out of the car. There was a dumpster a few yards away.
"Repeated Dose" is the best thing ever written about James, hands down. Go read it. This is an excerpt from the most recent chapter and the jimmyshop is based on James’ disguise, lol. Go read the whole thing and enjoy the fuck out of it.
sarabead asked: whrite the letter noww
James Holmes meets Sara Holmes for the first time. He’s shocked by how disgustingly annoying, whiny, clingy, and awkward she is, pulls out a gun, shoots 12 more random people and turns himself into the police just so he can be as far away as possible from that annoying, thirsty, and illiterate bitch. He would have killed himself, but she probably would have followed suit and there would be no worse hell than having to spend an eternity with Sara Holmes. There. Now you’re blocked after this. 12 more messages? Get some fucking help.
sarabead asked: can u write.a story about me and james holmes sara holmes
No? And please stop sending me so many messages. You sent seven asking the same thing and I have a really short temper and you’re one more message away from being blocked. Go get a drink of water for that extreme Jimmy thirst you’re having and calm down.
Maybe I should host a contest where the funniest “tuckershop” gets a $15 iTunes giftcard or something. Would that be cool? Would people even try?
Anonymous asked: you sound like adamlanzaobsessed
No I don’t. First off, I don’t even like Adam Lanza, therefore I would not run a blog associated with him, lol. I’m familiar with that blog and I’m cool with them, but please, don’t even try to play a stupid guessing game like that. Seriously, just don’t even try to be cute with me today. I see you’re from the UK. Cool.
I got me two sets of eyes to watch you mean court people with. Putting my fine ass in prison. The NERVE! I could have been a model for Abercrombie & Fitch!! I have….the upsets. Me so mad. Me want to frown intensely. Me angry. Me watching you.
fvckkaylaa asked: I don't actually know what your problem is with tucker but can you just not post about him.
Problem with Tucker? I don’t have a problem with Tucker. He’s a fucking murderer just like the rest of the people I photoshop on here. What the hell is your problem? First you call me a dumbass and now you’re trying to tell me how to run my blog? Bitch, get the fuck all the way out of here. I’ve been sick, so I haven’t been able to do as much on here, but you got a bitch fired up now. You’re no different than the thirsty bitches telling me to leave Jahar alone. You’re telling me Tucker didn’t kill anyone? Really?
[Tucker] Cipriano, 20, and Mitchell Young, 21, were both convicted of participating in an attack that left Robert Cipriano, 52, dead, and his wife Rose and son Salvatore severely injured. Authorities said the pair went to the house with a plan to kill the entire family, steal $3,000 and a car and drive to Mexico after Tucker Cipriano violated his probation.
Oooh, sounds like such a perfect little fucking angel. OMG, I better leave dat po boi alone. OMG, I’m hurting his feelings. OMG, he’s so innocent and sweet and cute. Hell yeah, Tucker is a hot piece of ass, and I’m sure the other prisoners will enjoy taking turns on that sweet hot flesh, lol.
In the meantime,
I want to help you on “Slurpee Love.” I thought I did send you a photo with my slave for you to shop :-)
I already had all of the vocals and stuff done for Slurpee Love. They just needed to be altered and fixed and operated on and autotuned and just…everything, lol. But I think I can figure out how to make it not make ears bleed, lol. I did get your submission. It’s in my WIP folder. I’ve gotten so behind on these shops. I’m having an issue with my laptop screen making me feel sick for some reason if I stare at it too long, so it will take a while for me to post things.
Might try to finish that “Slurpee Love” song sometime this week and work on some new jimmyshops. I received word that Tucker Cipriano apparently didn’t kill anyone and I’m just oh so horribly wrong for covering his sexy prison fish ass in honey. You know what? I don’t care. If I actually cared there wouldn’t be hundreds of these fucking things on this blog. In life, you will meet odd people who do fucked up shit for no real reason other than to be fucking weird. I am one of those people. If you don’t like it, ignore me and keep it movin. If any killas (or cute non killas that just got caught up, which I think is bullshit but whatever) out there are so very offended by this shit, please report the fuck out of the blog and take some fucking control if it bothers you so fucking much. Or, you could just not be a fucking murderer, rapist, pedo, or whatever type of criminal deviant, right? Ever think about that? Hopefully this blog will deter future killers, lol. Don’t wanna be made into a gif fucking a hot pocket? Don’t kill anyone. It’s simple.
To the people who actually understand the dark humor on this blog, love you guys!
Keep sending requests as well because those are usually the most popular and most fun for me to make. Whether you’re a super cereal case researcher that likes to send in requests and pretend like you didn’t because you’re super cereal, or a fangirl who just wants to see her fave killer pop it for a real nigga, come on down! I don’t bite…much.
Bound 4 (Delicious)
Going through a power outage right now but thanks to tethering, or whatever the fuck it’s called, I have enough juice to post this beauty. And it’s just a preview…
Fyi, this is a secondary blog that I never actually expected anyone to follow outside of maybe 10 or so holmies so I can’t follow you back with it. But I do swallow so it’s not all bad.